I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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