Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
