You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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