Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
