After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
