i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize