hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
NoShamevember. You game?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize