dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
