I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
How external is "for external use only"?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
