hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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