ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
