New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize