glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Randomize
