they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Found your dick twin last night
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
