i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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