It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
