He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
