bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
