dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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