oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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