If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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