yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
