I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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