oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
