You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
