dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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