when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I wear drunk well.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
