i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
