someone get that fucking seahorse.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize