How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
