omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
