Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
