How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
