i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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