they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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