I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
