i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
