i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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