Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Of course I have a pirate flag
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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