Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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