I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Randomize
