I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just tell him i said nine months
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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