i can't believe i had my finger in that
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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