some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
