Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
