Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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