Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
