i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
