yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
