I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
