Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
time to smoke my breakfast
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
