When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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