May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
