I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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