I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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