$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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