I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
