last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
