your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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