the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
