I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
