Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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