I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
