Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize