im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
