Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
