Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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